New beginnings are scary but so is not living to my fullest potential. Happy 2019 to you, May you grow past where you are today and may your fears become your friends.
Ever failed at something and find it hard to shake it off?
Maybe you enrolled in a program and gave up midway because things were overwhelming…
Or committed to trying a new diet and gave up midway because you are not seeing results…
Now, ever shared your feelings with someone and in their attempts to encourage you or make you feel better, they tell you that “you should try harder” or ” you did not want it bad enough?”
Don’t be that person!
“We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.” –Diogenes
Let’s talk about how it feels, shall we?
In many cases where I shared with someone something that is haunting me, I have done the self-critic and self-reproach part already and I am not looking to feel worse than I was already feeling. Granted, excuses abound and I can probably find infinite reasons why I cannot reach my goals.
When someone shares a burden, a failure, a shortcoming with you, how about you take a few steps back and find out what the person needs from you?
You could ask, why they shared with you and what they are hoping that you can help them with.
For example, I often share how I am trying really hard to lose weight but the scale won’t budge. I might share with you because I noticed you shared some pounds or you are confident and comfortable in your skin. I might share my thoughts so you can give me tips. When you start off by telling me that I did not want it bad enough, it is hard for me to hear past that. I am also wary of people who are quick to give compliments, it makes me question the authenticity of what is being said.
Here are my suggestions:
Get comfortable with silence
take time to process what is being shared and to check yourself. You might get upset that the person shared things with you especially if it is heavy and you have your own “mess” to deal with. It’s ok to take a few deep breaths and if you need to, let the person know that you heard them and you just need a moment.
Thank the person for being vulnerable:
it is never easy to admit shortcomings, failures or challenges, especially not in this world where everyone is showing their best lives on Social Media. Feel honored that someone shared with you what many try so hard to keep secret.
Sometimes, being honest is saying that you really don’t have a response to what was just shared or that you have a lot going on and you can’t help them. This could also be a great opportunity to redirect them or assist them in seeking the right resource.
Many of us tend to just spill our mess when the opportunity comes it is not until we are done sharing that we realize what we needed. Sometimes we just had to vent and feel heard. Sometimes we need someone to say “I see you, I hear you but get it together.” or sometimes we need someone to say ” I am sorry because what you are dealing with really sucks.”
Not everyone masters their own “how to” guides and in this day of age where we stare at screens more than we look at each other, acts such as giving that person a genuine moment can be priceless… And in cases where you don’t have someone to do listen, you can extend the same kindness to yourself...
I found that when you start achieving things and making differences, you hear different types of “wow!”
There are those who are genuinely in awe of you, there are those who just can’t believe it and there are those who never saw you coming. Regardless of what the “wow” means, you had to believe in your dream.
I think we can all agree that What truly matters is what you say to your self. I hope that this week you say to yourself that:
- You can and you will
- You matter
- You are worthy of love, kindness, and respect
- You can do all things
- You are kind
- You are smart
- You are a beautiful human being
- You can achieve your goals
Share what you would add to these affirmations below… And have an amazing week.
I had to be quiet for a while because I was losing sight of what really matters. So for a while, I did what was inevitable so that I can recharge. I did a lot of journaling, a lot of crying, a lot of reading and now I am here. I am clear about what drives me, where I am going and where I draw the line.
So let’s reflect a little bit…What drives you?
Is it the anger and the resentment of past experiences? Is it the need to prove them wrong? Is it that you are trapped?
Or is it because you have life in you? is it your Dreams that must become reality?
I found that when I am stressed, angry and I feel like I am not heading anywhere, it is because I am holding onto things that I have no business carrying.
The tricky part is that some of the things that we need to let go are invisible. As uncomfortable as it can be, I learned to be quiet with myself for a few minutes a day. I have come to cherish those moments.
Journal prompt: How will you free yourself this week?
Have you done an inventory lately? What are you holding on to?
As for me, I’ve been reorganizing things and it is amazing the things that we hold onto just to feel secure. I learned that I’ve got to let go of some things in order to make room for greater, better things.
What would you let go off despite the hurt, to make room for better things?
cheers to an amazing and freeing week.
It’s my birthday and it’s a big deal because I have been on mother earth for 3 eventful decades! So! Here are the lessons that I am carrying with me as I march upward in life…
- Loving myself is not selfish
- I can never go wrong with being myself
- Spending time with myself is time well spent
- Believing in God is not optional
- I cannot do it without God
- Friends come and go, love them while they are there, let them go when it’s time.
- Love is meant to be enjoyed, at least if it ends, I’ll have the memories
- Living in the present is HARD but essential
- I can love people but not like them.
- Not choosing is a choice so I cannot be mad if someone else chooses for me.
“There is no graduation on life… we all learn as we go.”-Lilly said it
- Motherhood is a ministry, not a fatality.
- It is hard to make people proud of me if I am not proud of myself.
- My dreams do not need approval stamps from others
- Fall 99 times, get up 100 times
- God will give me what I need, not what I want.
- All things are working for my good even if I fall apart in the process
- As long as I attach my joy to a thing, a person or an achievement, I won’t find it.
- I can have joy anywhere, anytime and in every situation
- People see me how I see me.
- I am pretty darn resilient.
“We have patiently suffered long enough, hoping that someone or some kind of luck would one day grant us more opportunity and happiness. But nothing external can save us, and the fateful hour is at hand when we either become trapped at this level of life or we choose to ascend to a higher plane of consciousness and joy. In this ailing and turbulent world, we must find peace within and become more self-reliant in creating the life we deserve.” ― Brendon Burchard,
- I cannot just say “Thy will be done” to God, I have to walk the talk.
- Doing the right thing is extremely hard but it’s not the reason why I cannot do it.
- My tears are not signs of weakness, they are confirmation that I am still there.
“You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I’ll rise.”-Maya Angelou
- I define my value, I decide what is OK and what is not.
- I am Free
- Self-care is not “I will do it when I have time” kind of thing, it’s ” I have to do it so that I can overflow into my loved one” kinda thing.
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Prov 31:30
When I was younger, I wanted to be flight attendant because I loved their outfits and the idea of going around the world. My mom told me that if I wanted to have children and a family one day, I may want to rethink that… I changed my mind immediately because I knew early on that I wanted to be a mom. The day I heard my daughter’s cry was the most beautiful and emotional day of my life. I did not care that my hair was a mess, that I was alone or that I was in pain, she was finally in my arms and she was so breathtaking…
I thought I loved before but what I experienced that day and every day since was beyond me… I whine, I complain and I cry… A LOT! But I will do it all over again…
Happy mother’s day!!!
…to every mom here on earth and to those in heaven.
Because there are many of us, and some of us, for whatever reason, might not hear it from someone else today, Single mommies out there…
Mama! In case you have not heard it yet, please allow me the honor to tell you that you are doing great and there is so much more where that comes from. Happy Mother’s day!
In the spirit of Mother’s day and because this song never gets old, Happy Friday! I hope you feel love and comfort this weekend no matter what…
What would the soundtrack of your life be? Would you write it or would you pick your favorite artist to sing it?
I re-read “Living Forward: A Proven Plan to Stop Drifting and Get the Life You Want” by Michael Hyatt & Daniel Harkavy a few weeks ago. If you are still confused about where you want to go in life and what you do, this might be a good start for you.
When I bought the book in 2016, I was embarking on what I thought was a journey that would lead me to fulfillment and Joy. I felt that I was drifting and I wanted direction in my life. However, I read the book back then and barely did the exercises that were recommended. I put it on the shelf with the intention of revisiting it later.. almost 2 years later, here we are… It could be that I am just getting old or it could be that I have been reading way too many self-help books but the need to take this seriously kicked in and I felt the need to do the exercises this time around… This is what I learned about me…
I want to be forever young…
“So let’s just stay in the moment… Leave a mark that can’t erase, neither space nor time. So when the director yells cut we’ll be fine”- Forever Young lyrics
Yes! every year, on my birthday, I am forever 21 but that’s not what I mean…
I want to be forever young in all my life accounts: In religion, family, career, friendships, hobbies, etc. I want to be as passionate, as eager to learn and as hungry for growth as I am on the first day of a new experience.
As I focus on the expectations that are set for me, I tend to feel like I am way behind, I become very impatient with myself and I tend to give into negative self-thoughts.
If I remember nothing else about my life plan, I want to remember to extend to myself and others some grace.
I will definitively write the soundtrack of my life, but when the director yells cut, I sure hope everyone that crossed my path remembers my “youth.”
What do you do when you are struggling, nothing seems to go the right way and things just suck? What do you do when you feel like you just can’t go on anymore? What if your problem is just too big and you don’t know how to tackle it?
I found that it is true that the best thing we can do is serve someone else.
You lost your job and you have nowhere to go? find a place to volunteer
You see that single mother struggling to make ends meet? how about you bring her a bag of groceries?
That person you saw getting picked on because they are different, how about you learn their name?
As we move around and face these week’s bliss & hurdles, let’s see if we can be a rainbow in somebody’s cloud…
“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.”- Maya Angelou
It can be so tempting to want to be in your bubble and to say ” I got my own problems” but there is something about the putting a smile on someone else’s face or speaking life into something or someone… It is a gift that keeps on giving.
Here are 5 things that you could experience if you choose kindness:
- Free and natural anti-depressant (serotonin): when you are kind, you produce serotonin which is known to help you feel good.
- Ever helped a person and you instantly feel like superman or superwoman? Along with improving your mood, acts of kindness give you boosts of energy
- As a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy, I am often amazed at how doctors can still treat people when they are hurt. Well! guess what? Acts of kindness reduce pain.
- People who are kind live longer
- We can all use more love in our lives: when we are kind, we release Oxytocin and apparently, cupid’s arrows are dipped into this.
I don’t know about you all but I want to choose kindness all day, every day…
PS: Find out more about kindness here